Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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