Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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