She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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