you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
