Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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