piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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