Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
