dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
