I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
