his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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