Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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