I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how does that bad decision feel?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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