If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
