Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
