I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
