The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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