I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
