i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
