If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
