You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
