I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
