were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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