Duck Duck Cougar?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
