Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
