Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
