i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
