Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
