and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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