I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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