is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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