just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize