Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
