If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
