We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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