ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
