He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
