You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
