I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
