Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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