at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
