Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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