I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
