I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
