It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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