There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
