my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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