You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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