Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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