oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
