My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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