I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
