What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
