He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
