I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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