How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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