Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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