we have pet lesbian snakes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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