when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
