I think I died a long time ago.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
