I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
