When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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