Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
